I have dreams about my birth mom. They usually involve me trying to get her attention and her being busy with someone else. Or me seeing her for a minute and then she is gone and I keep trying to find her but am always a few steps behind. I always wake up with a sense of loss. I suppose in a way, the dreams are healthy because I express what I can't when I'm awake. I hate waking up from those dreams. At least in the dreams, we can spend a few minutes together. But I usually wake up crabby with everyone. I wonder if my boys dream about their birth family?
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By the way, I pretend when I write personal things that no one really reads this. So if, by chance, you happen to read this, don't tell me about. It just helps me sort out things when I write about them.
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On a good note, I stopped in Zeke's resource classroom this morning to drop off his walker. The teachers were waiting for the first bell to ring. They asked me some questions and I plopped down into a chair. I teased them about joining their coffee group and they asked if I wanted some coffee, too. They poured me a cup and let me chat with them until school started. Just what I needed today. Not only do they take excellent care of my son, they also take excellent care of me! :)
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Hello,
ReplyDeleteI know that your post says "don't tell me about it..." but I have read too many of these posts that I really can't refrain from "telling you about it." With that being said, I would like to pour my heart out to you as I have never had the opportunity to do so face-to-face.
First of all, I am sincerely glad that God has lead you down the path to meet your birth mother (AKA my aunt Letoy). Now granted I will never understand what it feels like to be adopted, I do understand the value of being able to love and accept "new" people into my life. I've also mastered the virtue of expressing loyalty TO ALL MY LOVED ONES...
As you may know, our family has had (and continues) to overcome hardships to be the people we are today. Although I don't quite know every circumstance that led to your adoption, I do know that you were blessed to have grown up in such a loving family and eventually to have become acquainted with your (also loving) biological family.
I have probably seen your mom as many times as you have throughout my life, yet that has never prevented me from seeing what a truly beautiful person she is. She is a strong woman who perservered through many hardships--including her recent battle with cancer.
From the sounds of your post, you have become ignorant of the beauty she possesses. She loved you from the day you were born and continues to love you to this day. As a mother I'm sure you can relate to that--she never stopped loving you. I have seen her cry and express this love for you.
It hurts me that you would talk of her (esp. publicly) in this way. No offense, but you sound like an attention-craving child who has become so blinded by selfishness that you have overlooked all of her good qualities and resorted to seeking sympathy. Well, you might get it from strangers (which I suppose I may be) but will not get from me.
If you harbor these feelings then why don't you pick up the phone and express them to her? If verbal communication is too hard for you then write her a letter... but DO NOT kick her and continue to spit on her while she is down. Although she didn't raise you, she is still your mother.
You know, in similar comparison, I have never had the opportunity to meet our grandma Luella, as she passed before I was born, yet that does not make her any less of my grandmother... Your mom can't change the past, but she was brought into your life for a reason. If you want to ruin that and cause her heart unneccesary pain, I guess it will ultimately be your loss.
BTW, aunt Letoy does not know that I am speaking to you, nor does anyone else for that matter. I just wanted to vent from an outsider's perspective and tell you how selfish this appears to me. I thank God everyday for allowing her to defeat that evil cancer and continue to be here to enrich many lives. She is amazing. I'm sorry every waking moment of her life doesn't revolve around pleasing you.
your cousin,
Sarah
I have stood by and listened to the crying, complaining, and "O poor me" song and dance for way to long...
ReplyDeleteSarah, let me start by applauding you and saying thank you for being family and having our back, like family should... no matter what.
second... Tricia, shame on you. Shame on you for ever thinking that our mother would ever turn her back on you... shame on you for ever thinking that she did not welcome you from birth tell death with an open heart and open arms. Shame on you!!! It breaks my heart to see this happening to the best women in the world that gave you life and made the horrific choice, that would tear any person apart, by releasing her grip but not her heat on you and allowing you a better life. One that could not be provided at that time by her. Our mother would give her life for any one of us (Jody, you or me). She would put her self in harms way to make sure that we are safe... Let me tell you something.... I am the youngest/the baby of the group, the spoiled one... do you know how many times I have seen my parents since I moved out, by the way this was before graduating high school? Do you know how many phone calls i have had from my brother or yourself... Jody called me when I got cancer to see how I was... You??? nothing!!!! Do you hear me crying about how "no one loves me"... No! Do you hear me complaining how "mom will not drop everything to meet my needs"... No! Do you want to know why? the reason you don’t hear me is because I’m not saying it, nor should you. People have lives to live and can’t meet the needs of every one and our family is no different.
You say this Thanksgiving is the first time that you where invited to be with family... I say BS... What about when you were with the family at Disney, Camping in the black hills... Your going to tell me your not included. How many times of You included me in your family. You are my Big sister and you don’t act like one… Do you see me bashing you on a blog??? No because I have enough respect for you and this family not to do that and you should too!!!
My final thoughts are this... I may be the youngest, the baby.. but you are absolutely acting like it... GROW UP. Mom has enough to worry about with fighting this deadly disease, the ugly face of cancer, and believe me I know, I have been there and done that incase you forgot, she has enough on her plate with out you adding to it. She does not need the added stress of your blogs. If you cant handle NOT being the center of attention then don't let the door hit you on the way out. I have never got involved before, But some one needs to put a stop to this, I am just upset that Sarah beat me to it. If you don't want to be apart of this family then don't, but remember once you make that bed be prepared to sleep in it. If you have any sense of fellow ship and family you should and would keep this in the family and work it out as family. Do us all a favor and STOP IT. Live your life and enjoy today, there may not be a tomorrow.
Your Bother that you have NEVER reached out and tried to form a relationship with but you don’t hear me crying --- Jeremy
One more thing...
ReplyDeleteYou sit here and type away on a computer about how hard your life is... What about the person serving in the military in another country away from their family, not by choice but by a commitment to there country to protect it and you, at all cost. I have seen people give up there lives to protect yours... and you have it bad.... Think about them next time you go to type about how bad you have it or what your feelings are. Try being a single parent with three kids and no family around you for support… with your spouse in another country.. And I am still working full time. Pray you never have to experience that once, let a lone having to do it multiple times like my family... missing your kids birthdays, first smiles, steps... saying daddy or momma for the first time but your not there to hear it... Coming home and getting no attention because your children can't remember who you are...they look at you like stranger... have you ever felt pain like that??? But you don't see us complaining. Day in and day out i get up out of bed and protect your freedom..I’m not a stranger to you...I’m your bother... and not once have you ever picked up a phone and said thank you. I have never heard the words "I LOVE YOU" come out of your mouth towards me!!! should i start a blog??? Is that how a Big sister acts? i don't know because I have never had one in my life.
Give me a break...I am soooo flabbergasted that you would say these things about My mother (you obviously don't want anything to do with her so I'm taking her back as mine and only mine)it makes me sick...I think you need to do some soul searching and reprioritize your life. How many times have my parents opened their house, wallets and hearts to you???? What have you taken from them? This is what you are returning? How dare you!!!!!!
Jeremy