Riley

I currently have 2 kids playing downstairs, 1 at the neighbors, 2 swimming with Boys & Girls Club and 1 taking a nap. Which explains how I can be on the computer in the afternoon. Since nothing really humorous is going on today and I've already discussed the fighting, I guess it's time to write about one of the kids. I'll pick Riley today because he seems to be the one having issues right now. One day I'll blog the story of how we got the boys but today I need to think though a few things. Most of the time Riley loves being a part of our family but there are times when he's angry/confused/upset/sad, etc. I still remember when all the kids were playing school shortly after the boys were placed with us. We had had discussions with all the kids at different times about adoption and everyone involved was doing as well as could be expected. Brittney the teacher was downstairs with the students and she called "Riley Wilkins". He told her that wasn't his name and they argued back and forth. (Brit was 8 and Riley was 5) Eventually I had to intervene. I pulled Brittney aside and asked her to please use his old name for now and I would talk to him later. A week or so later when I was alone with Riley we talked about names and how names are how people know who we belong with. Steve, Brit, Tay and I all had the same last name so that people would know we belonged together. I told him I used to have the same last name as Grandma & Grandpa but when I joined Dad's family, I got to use his last name. I asked him if he would like to use the same last name as us so that everyone would know we were a family. He smiled really big and said "Sure!" He's been Riley Wilkins ever since. :) The first few months after the boys arrived, Riley had nightmares and wet his bed a lot. One night I heard him crying. I went in and held him and asked him what was wrong. He cried a while longer and then said, "I miss my old mom." We try to let him talk about his "old" family (his words, not ours) but as time goes on his memories really blur together. He was 4, Zeke was 3, and Anthony was 9 months when they were placed in foster care in two separate homes. In his mind, Riley still imagines his "old" mom and dad are happily living together (they're not) in a house kind of like ours (they never did) and they want him back (they refused to follow judges orders to regain custody). When Riley talks about his "old" family, we usually just listen. When he asks why he can't live with them, I just ask him if he remembers why he can't. He does. I let him know that his "old" mom and dad loved him, they just didn't know how to take care of him and his brothers. Someday I'll have to figure out how to explain how they can take care of the youngest brother but not him, without him feeling like it's his fault. No wonder God has a perfect plan for marriages and families. There would be so much less pain if we could do it His way. The cool thing is that no matter what happens to us in life, God allows us to use that experience in the future. I can only pray that Steve & I can help mold Riley into the wonderful person he's meant to be and that he will change lives through his story in the future.