10 Family Tips

I found these 10 tips listed for communicating with employees consistently and effectively but as I read through them, I found that they also related to interaction with my kids and husband. So I substituted child or child or spouse in parenthesis for employee, and parent for boss. Here’s what it now says: 1) Be negative privately and positive publicly. Praising (your kids or spouse) around others shows you are kind and smart enough recognize achievements in others. (Your kids and spouse) will work hard to gain positive feedback from you. (Your kids and spouse) thrive on feedback, especially when it’s positive. Negative feedback, however, should be given privately. Many communicators, especially (parents), erroneously believe that if they embarrass or criticize (their child) publicly, they will be seen as powerful and astute. Unfortunately, these communicators are usually seen negatively by the audience, while the recipient of the criticism becomes a martyr, unnecessarily embarrassed in front of peers. 2) Don’t yell. Raising your voice simply communicates that you’re unable to maintain self-control. (Your child or spouse) usually becomes defensive, doesn’t hear the message and often walks away upset. The thrust of the message, identifying an incorrect or unacceptable action, doesn’t get through to (your child or spouse). 3) Be specific, not general. Too often, (parents) advise (their kids) with generalities like “Do a good or better job,” or “Make fewer mistakes.” But these statements are so vague they’re meaningless. To be effective, each message needs to be concrete. There’s nothing wrong with saying, “Do a better job,” if you follow up with a concrete explanation of what can be improved and what you’d like to see instead. 4) Speak from the heart. Be genuine when giving feedback, especially when it’s positive. If you can’t bring yourself around to verbally praising someone, then send them a note or an email. 5) Communicate often. It only takes a moment to touch base. Some messages are brief by nature – others take more time. The key here is to make the effort to communicate as often as possible so that (your kids or spouse) know what’s on your mind and they see you as approachable. 6) Be positive first. Especially when you need to deliver negative feedback, start your message with a positive statement. Because everyone seeks reinforcement, this will open their ears. Then make the necessary negative statement, ensuring that it is specific and clear. 7) Talk about change if it is needed. Conclude with an explanation of how you’d like the situation to be different. This can be an idea you come up with, an idea (your child or spouse) is challenged to create, or something you will both work on. 8) Find something good to say to everyone. A simple positive statement – short or long – can tell someone he or she is doing a good job. It only takes a few seconds to do this, but the effect can last a long time. Morale, productivity and (your child’s or spouse’s) satisfaction improve when (a parent or spouse) provides positive feedback. 9) Listen first, then comment. Before providing feedback, especially if it’s negative, ask the individual involved for his or her version of the story. This input may change your view and your comments. In any case, this gives the individual the opportunity to make a statement and be heard by you. This goes a long way to ensuring that the recipient will listen to what you will say and act on it. 10) Do it early. Don’t wait for the annual review or ‘when you get around to it’ to provide feedback. Whether someone succeeds or fails in their duties, let that person know it as soon as possible. Giving feedback doesn’t need to be a long, drawn-out process. . (Originally written by David G. Javitch, Ph.D.)