Birth Certificate

In South Dakota, if you want a copy of your birth certificate,
all you have to do is fill out this form and send in $15.
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Unless you've been adopted.

Then you have no access to your original birth certificate.

If you want it, you first have to call the State Dept of Health and ask for vital records in Pierre, give them information and then wait to see if they are willing to sign a release of information.

If they decide they'll allow you a release of information, you'll receive a signed form like this one:

They'll also include a cover letter with instructions about what else you have to do.

It will look something like this:

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Then you have to sign a release for confidential information

and have it notarized by a Notary Public or Clerk of Courts.

That form looks like this:

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Once you've done all that, you actually have to

petition the court of the original adoption to open the confidential records.

That form looks like this:

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If you find your way through all that maze of paperwork, complete it and petition the court, it is then ultimately up to the judge to decide if you can have the information and how much information to give you. He has total control over the file and can decide to give you no access at all.

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If you complete all the paperwork and the judge is willing to sign the court order for a release of confidential adoption records, then you can finally fill out the application for a birth certificate and send that and all the other paperwork along with $15 to Pierre.

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They will then send you a copy of your original birth certificate.

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I figured out how to add more people so if you're still interested, comment, text or email me your current email address and I'll get you added :)
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Lock-Down

I'm going into lock-down mode: on the blog, FB and in real life. I'm not sure how long it will last. There won't be anymore posts on this blog, at least for a while. I have, however, created a new blog which is open by invitation only. I just have to enter an email address for anyone who wants to read about our lives. I can also be much more open again on that blog if I chose to because I have control over who sees the information. If you've expressed interest in the past and sent me an email, I'll probably give you access. (Up to the first 100 people because that's how many emails it take) Just give me a few days to get it done. I'll send an email giving you the link to the new site. If you don't get an email and want access, just send me a text or an email with your information.
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Thinking of my younger brother today who is having surgery in Florida. I don't get to see him very often because he lives so far away but he's always close to my heart.  :)

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Only Bullet Points

Everything I want to write about today, I can't. Here's the bullet points......
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• My brother-in-law Dan's sister died yesterday.
• Court for the little one is on Wednesday.
• I'm extremely disappointed about something important to me.
• Brittney's been obnoxious and throwing teenage tantrums for about three days.
• I found out some current disturbing information about the boys' birthmom.

It feels like too much this week.
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Riley

This is just for the relatives that were interested:

Riley's grades were awesome! All A's & B's
Math - B
Reading - B
Spelling - B
Language - A
Science/Health - A
Social Studies - A
Art - S+
Music - S
PE - S+
Technology - S
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Emotional Day

I had a complete meltdown yesterday. Crying and everything. Thankfully, it was near the end of the day and not at the begining. I think it was a combination of personal issues I'm dealing with, combined with listening to case after case of children who need their parents to step up to the plate and be parents. Uggggggg. I was angry and my heart was heavy at the end of the day anyway and then Dawn reminded me that it was her last meeting with us. I think it was the final straw to my day. I don't do well with change and I certainly don't do well with losing someone. So I went home and had a meltdown. Later, I saw my mother-in-law and she asked me where Dawn was moving and I had to tell her she wasn't even going out of town. She just accepted a new position and I won't be working as closely with her anymore. Good grief. Thankfully, I texted a friend who knew exactly what my real issue was about. She picked me up and listened to me vent for an hour or so, offered a sympathetic ear and good advice. Then I was able to go back home, accept a big hug from my husband and parent my children.  Now this morning I can function normally again.
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My Amazing Husband

My husband is amazing. I'm lucky to have him. And no, he isn't hacking into the blog. I work with challenging kids almost 24/7 and sometimes I just need a break. Even if it's just a small one. Yesterday was an especially difficult afternoon at work and at the end of the day I informed my husband that I was going out for supper with my friends/co-workers. He didn't even flinch. He stayed home, fed the kids and got them ready for bed. I wasn't out late but it gave me back just enough sanity to go into the Social Service meetings today with a clear head and a refreshed heart.
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High School Orientation

So I was sick last night and Steve was sick this morning. I guess everyone got it but Brittney. We gave it to her friend who spent the weekend with us instead.
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I survived the day, all the kids after-school events and even made it to Brittney's High School orientation tonight. I actually felt pretty good by about 3pm this afternoon so everything after that was easy. It was fun to visit with other parents and some of my previous teachers at the high school. We were some of the last parents to leave because I kept chatting. And I claim to be anti-social  :)
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Good News/Bad News

The good news is that Brittney's cheer team took 3rd place at the competition today.
The bad news is that Anthony got sick and threw up at the competition.
The good news is that with each kid the flu has only lasted for about 12 hours.
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Today :( and :)

Today didn't have the best beginning with Riley and Taylor both throwing up. They've continued to sleep and throw up all day. I sent Steve's mom with him to Brittney's cheer competition in Sioux Falls and they also took Anthony. My sister came and picked up the little one because she kept trying to get into the bathroom with everyone else. She'll keep her until Steve gets back from SF. That means I was only left with 2 sick kids and Zeke. Everyone's asleep now except for me so I thought I'd get some laundry done and post a quick update.
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Riley spoke to his birth mom yesterday for the first time in 5 years. It went well. It looks like we'll be able to continue the conversations and possibly meet with her this spring. I didn't get involved in the conversation other than to be in the room with him in case he needed me and to monitor his end of the phone call. At the conclusion of the call, he gave me a big hug. Later in the day he told me he really misses his mom. He's got a lot to process and I only hope I can give him the support he needs.
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Riley

Our oldest son Riley is 10. We adopted him at age 5. He had been in foster care for almost a year. He wants to talk to his "old" mom. I understand. So last night, I requested her phone number and today he'll call her. I'll post about the response but I probably won't get too specific because ultimately it's between him and her.
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Intervention

After some wonderful intervention by family and friends, I'm definitely not crabby anymore.
*My co-worker gave me a hug for no reason other than she knew I was having a rough day. Anyone who knows me well knows I don't generally do hugs but there are a few safe people out there who hug extremely well and Laurie is one of them.
*My mother-in-law made me an entire banana cream pie (my favorite!) just because she knew I was having a rough week.
*My mom babysat last night so Steve and I could spend some time together after my board meeting. We don't have much time together and what little time we have is either taken up with children or we're too tired to talk. We were able to just sit and visit for a little while.
*Later last night, I was able to spend time with a friend that understands exactly what I'm going through. It was nice to have an understanding ear and some good advice.
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Today it's snowing and blowing so I cancelled our two Sioux Falls appointments and the little one and I are just hanging out at home today. We might clean and organize, we might snuggle and play, we might do nothing at all but stay warm and read a book :)
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Crabby

I'm officially still crabby. At least I finally figured out exactly what's making me irritated. Turns out, it's something that makes me sad but I didn't even realize it at the time. Anthony's therapist told him one time that anger is what happens when sad and afraid are hiding and can't come out. Pretty smart therapist.
Without getting into specifics, someone important to me won't be around anymore and it's apparently affecting me more than I thought. They weren't terribly accessible before but now they will be even less so, and I will probably never see them again in person (not by my choice). Before anyone panics, I'm not refering to the little one.
So that's the gist of why I'm having a bad week. If I had my choice, I'd stay home and bury myself in bed with a good book until spring :)
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Taylor's Cheerleading

On Saturday, Taylor and 144 other girls participated in a cheerleading clinic put on by the high school cheerleaders. Her teacher is the head sideline cheerleading coach, so that made it extra-special for Tay. Then last night, they were all invited to attend the boys basketball game and cheer at half-time. That's them in the sea of white shirts! I won't even try to tell you where Taylor is because she's so hard to see. She's the one in the white shirt and black pants. lol!

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Thanks to my wonderful mother-in-law, Steve and I used the game as an excuse for a date. She watched all the other kids and Taylor sat with her group, so we got to sit together without any kids and enjoy watching Taylor and the game.

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More Pictures From St Paul

Zeke & Taylor playing Wii in the waiting room

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Messing around in the exam room

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On the computer in the exam room,

 the intern played some of the older videos of Zeke's analysis

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Just waiting for the doctor

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Gotcha Day

Sometimes I'm vague in my posts because legally I have to be and sometimes I'm vague because I've been hurt by blogging to openly. Even though someone reading may not always know exactly what I'm discussing, God can still use the words to speak to something other than what I'm directly refering to. An example would be the verse that I posted yesterday. I intentionally wrote it without any explanation or reference because what I needed to hear from God yesterday might be different from what someone else needs to hear from God when they read it.
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That being said, sometimes I'm not vague at all and today is one of those days. Since Steve and I both have the day off and I have a few minutes and only three kids awake so far, I intended to answer the question that has been posed to me many times - How do you keep up with so much laundry and not have it laying all over your house, especially when you're working almost full time? Good question. And someday I might answer it. But yesterday someone asked me a simple question that I had a hard time answering so I decided to write about it. If you don't like what I say, tough! Read someone else's blog :)
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The question was refering to our boys and was something to the effect of "What was their gotcha day?". For anyone not well-versed in adoption lingo, "gotcha day" can refer either to the day that the adopted child came into the home or the day the adoption was finalized. In the adoption community, it's considered a wonderful and happy event to be celebrated year after year like a birthday. We never celebrated "gotcha day" while I was growing up but I had friends that did. While they were little, they seemed to like it. What kids wouldn't like being celebrated, right?
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We don't celebrate a "gotcha day" in our current household either and I'm about explain why. First, let me reiterate that it's only my opinion and if you don't like it just cruise on to another blog. Also, I arrived at my opinion with 37 years of experience as an adopted child, friendships with other adoptees, 6 years as an adoptive parent and quite a few years in the foster parenting world working with biological families. This post won't leave you with a warm, fuzzy feeling about adoption.
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So let's really think about "gotcha day". What does it say to the child? We are celebrating our gain and someone else's loss. You should be happy that you are in our world, whether you wanted to or not. On this day in time, as a celebration is going on here, someone else's heart may be breaking. And I'm not just refering to biological parents who may or may not have made some bad choices (involuntary termination of parental rights as is usually seen in foster/adopt) or have had to make some hard decisions (voluntary termination of parental rights in infant adoption). I'm also refering to biological siblings, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, etc who will never get to experience the life of that child and who may not have even had a say in where that child would end up.
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Am I happy that my parents adopted me. Yes!
Do I still have an enormous feeling of loss concerning my biological family. Yes!
Do my boys feel the same way? I know for a fact Riley does. We've talked about the conflicting feelings many times. He knows it's safe to talk about his family with me. I never say anything negative about his family.
Do members of their biological family miss them incredibly? Definitely! They didn't think they'd ever see them again after termination. Fortunately, we've been able to bridge a lot of that gap with letters, phone calls, visits and even Skype. We try to maintain connections.
Do I currently see the incredible pain that is associated with termination of parental rights, regardless of the situation? Yes! 
Do I think our boys and our foster child are better off in our family? I really don't know. I hope we are giving them some good tools to help them grow into adulthood. As an adoptive parent, it would be easy to see the bright side of adoption and how we are giving them a better life. In fact, I get that response a lot when people find out we've adopted and are doing foster care. But it isn't about us. It's about the child. And all I know right now is that along with the happiness, there's a lot of pain. But I firmly believe that by acknowledging the pain, it helps everyone involved.
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So that is the long version of why we don't celebrate a "gotcha day". We DO tell all of our children that we're glad they're a part of our family. We DON'T tell them that we're happy God gave them to us. I don't need any children angry at God for ripping their family apart. Sometimes things happen as a result of choices being made by people and God simply lets his people live with the consequences. It happened the first time in the garden of Eden and continues to this day.
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Sometimes our kids like being a part of our family and sometimes they don't, both bio and adopted. That's all part of being a family. At the end of the day, all of our kids will know they have a warm house, enough food to eat and somewhere safe where they will always be accepted.
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II Cor 12:9-10

But He said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you,

for my power is made perfect in weakness."

Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses,

so that Christ's power may rest on me.

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New Arrival

Our family thankfully welcomes a new cousin into the family today after a day of prayerfully waiting!!!
Baby Anna Johnson was born at 5:30pm to my cousin Cory and his wife Tabatha.
She arrived a couple months before her due date and is a tiny peanut weighing in at just 3 lbs 15 oz but both mom and baby are doing well!
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