When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat the problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion to develop a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300 C. The Russians used a pencil.
.
Three buildings in town were overrun by squirrels—the town hall, the hardware store, and the church. The town hall brought in some cats. But after they tore up all the files, the mayor got rid of the predators, and soon the squirrels were back.

The hardware store humanely trapped the squirrels and set them free outside town. But three days later, the squirrels climbed back in.
Only the church came up with an effective solution. They baptized the squirrels and made them members. Now they see them only on Christmas and Easter.
.
I bought a box of animal crackers and it said on it "Do not eat if seal is broken." So I opened up the box, and sure enough...
.
Only in America...can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance...



Only in America...are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink...


Only in America...do people order double cheese burgers, a large fry, and a diet coke...


Only in America...do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters...


Only in America...do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and leave useless things and junk in boxes in the garage...


Only in America...do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place...


Only in America...do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight...


Only in America...do we use the word "politics" to describe the process so well: "Poli" in latin meaning "many" and "tics" meaning "blood-sucking creatures"..