Yesterday, part 5 - Brittney's Issue

Brittney has been complaining about going to her Wednesday night church group. Because she's my child, she doesn't easily open up about what's going on. So for the last two weeks, as we've been doing other stuff together, I been trying to figure out what her issue was with her class. The most I ever got out of her was that it was boring. . So finally on Tuesday, she told me that they have a journal they are supposed to write in every day and thought questions they are suposed to answer. She was so busy that she didn't have time to get it done by Wednesday night. When Brittney and I were visiting, she informed me that one of her teachers told her that if it wasn't important enough to make time for, then she "didn't need to bother coming." . I was pretty upset. Steve and I are very proud of Brittney and her ability to juggle all of her various activities. We just attended her school conference and she had great grades and stays on top of her homework. She also has gymnastics three nights a week from right after school until 7:30pm and competitions on the weekends. In addition, she plays flute in the band and is active in church, both on Sunday mornings and Wednesday nights. I felt like she was not only keeping up with all her activities but thriving in them. Now if I really felt like her spiritual life was suffering because of her other activities, I would be the first one to pull her back to concentrate on God. But that wasn't the case. I really didn't think that a few questions would make or break her relationship with God. Not only that, but I thought that it was really innapropriate for a teacher to make an ultimatium like that, especially in a class of preteens. . My first step was visiting with other moms who had daughters in the class. I didn't give any specifics or bad mouth the teachers. I just asked if their daughters had mentioned anything about the class. I got some vague answers so my next step was to vist with the teachers and find out what had happened. I also had to visit with my mom, who is the children's pastor. I really just wanted her opinion but I also needed to check in with her as the one in charge. I really just wanted to handle it on my own though, just so the teachers didn't think they had to do whatever I said just because my mom was in charge. But I also wanted to make sure she was aware of the issue just so she wasn't blindsided later. . On Wednesday night I visited with one of the teachers, who is actually a good friend of mine, for a few minutes before class. Apparently, Brittney has had a very negative attitude concerning the class and has been very vocal about it. I don't mind a little complaining here and there, but not being respectful to teachers is definitely NOT ok in our household. She was actually mouthy to the teachers and leading some of the other kids in the class to be disrespectful too. The comment made by the teacher that concerned me so much wasn't even directed specifically at Brit. It was made as a general statement to the class after many of the girls grumbled, "I don't want to do this", "This is boring", etc. And the statement actually was more to the effect that if they disliked being there so much, they weren't being forced to be there. They could just stay home and let those who wanted to be there actually get something out of the class. Makes total sense to me. . So once I had all the information, I asked the teacher if we could have a meeting later that night with the two teachers, Brittney and I. She said sure. When I talked to Brit, she didn't want anything to do with it. We all sat down and I asked Brittney if she had been respectful to her teachers in class. At least she answered honestly, and a little sheepishly, "No." . Basically the meeting went really well. I asked Brit a few questions about her behavior in class and respecting her teachers. Her teachers talked about how it made them feel and that the other kids really looked up to her and took their cues from her about how to act in class. They also let her know that every activity might not be fun but that they're always open to suggestions. Afterwords, I could tell Brit felt better. I think it was eating at her that she'd been acting that way but I think she'd already committed herself to the bad attitude and didn't feel like she could change it by herself. . Later that night, Brit and I talked about respecting her teachers. I also let her know that it's ok to come home and let me know she doesn't like something or even let her teachers know in private later, just not publicly in a degrading way that makes others have a negative attitude too. I also mentioned that we shouldn't criticize how something is unless we're prepared to step in to help make changes. She agreed that instead of being negative about the class, she would try to make it fun for others and the teachers. . Parenting wears me out!